


To Be Loved By You

by BadWolfNovak



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avenger Bucky Barnes, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Captain America Sam Wilson, Dorks in Love, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Gift Giving, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Marvin Gaye - Freeform, Memories, Not Very Steve Rogers Friendly, POV Sam Wilson, Past Riley/Sam Wilson, Post-Endgame, References to Depression, Sam Wilson Feels, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Sam Wilson-centric, Song Lyrics, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, Wanda Maximoff mentioned - Freeform, bonding through music, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-25 10:21:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19743730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadWolfNovak/pseuds/BadWolfNovak
Summary: TW: mentions of self-harm, suicide attempts, and just overall sadness





	1. Chapter 1

It's been a _long_ damn day for the brand new Captain America, and in all honesty Sam almost wants to quit. Between the blatant homophobia, racism and all around hate he gets from some of the fans and media, being human and trying to do the job of a super soldier was wearing him down.

So when he gets home he just wants to eat something and crawl into bed; and if his boyfriend wasn't out working, he would pester him for massage. But Bucky was with Wanda tearing apart an old Hydra science lab, and Sam knew how important it was for the ex assassin to be apart of the team and feel trusted to go out on his own missions.

They'd been dating for three years, frenemies to lovers like they were part of some cheesy movie plot. It felt like a perfect union, their personalities clicking and clashing in all the right ways and making Sam happier than he'd ever been since he lost his first love, Riley.

Three years and Bucky still managed to surprise Sam with how sweet he could be.


	2. Chapter 2

The first note is attached to flowers, yellow roses to be specific. They catch his eye as he leans the shield against the wall and unlaces his boots, the sunshine-y bouquet in a sleek vase next to the bowl where they tossed their keys.

> **I needed the shelter of someone's arms and there you were**
> 
> **I needed someone to understand my ups and downs and there you were**

He can't help but grin at the paper as memories flood his mind from the recognizable lyrics of one of his favorite artists. 

_I_ _t was a personal mission of Sam's to make sure Bucky was more informed on the modern world than Steve ever was. He'd tried but the blond was a lost cause, especially when it came to music. Barnes, on the other hand, took to some of Sam's favorites like a duck to water._  
  
_"This one kinda stings don't it?" Bucky had said, eyes closed as he soaked in the musical talents of Marvin Gaye. "But his voice.. there's something 'bout it...will you play it again?"_  
_Sam had nodded even though the other man couldn't see him._

_They'd listened to I Heard It Through The Grapevine for almost an hour and it was like Sam was listening to it for the first time in his life._


	3. Chapter 3

The note directs Sam to the kitchen and he's delighted to see a pizza box, he grabs a slice before opening the paper taped to the lid, eating contently as he reads.  


> **I close my eyes at night wondering where would I be without you in my life**

  
The memory that hits from this note hurts a little, making his heart clench in his chest.

  
_"You knew, didn't you? That he was gonna stay there?" Sam accused as he paced the cabin porch. He wasn't really mad that Steve had stayed or even that he was passed the mantle without warning. No, he was angry because he wasn't told, he spent a split second thinking his best friend was gone. Like Tony, like Natasha, gone forever without a goodbye._  
  
_Barnes had been standing at the railing, gripping it like it was the only thing keeping him upright. "I knew. I just- I thought...I ain't got no place here. Asked him if I could go, see my sisters, my ma, try an wash this blood off my hands." He said quietly, scoffing wetly. "Steve got his happy ending, what do I get?"_

  
_"You got me, Barnes. It's a new world out there, you can do whatever the hell you want, be whoever you want. And I'm right here if you need me."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of self-harm, suicide attempts, and just overall sadness

Sam chuckles softly when he finds the next note attached to a six-pack of his favorite beer, a brand that Bucky can't stand but puts up with for his boyfriend's sake. 

> **You were better to me than I've been to myself**   
>  **For me, there's you and there ain't nobody else**

  
They'd only been dating for a few months when the first fight happened. It hurt, torn a hole in Sam's heart but thankfully they never had another one as bad as that first one.  
  
 _"You can't do this Bucky! You can't just shut down on me like this!" Sam had yelled, scrubbing his face tiredly. He was trying his hardest to hold back tears but a few strays escaped down his cheeks. "Please, James just talk to me..please let me help you."_  
  
 _When his boyfriend finally spoke, Sam held his breath._  
  
 _"It doesn't even matter Sam, they healed. I'm here still, another failure to mark in the books." Bucky had laughed bitterly, staring at the pink faded lines on his flesh arm and torso. He couldn't see the ones on his throat but they stung and were healing the slowest of all the slices he had done._  
  
 _He couldn't find the words, didn't think there was anything he could even say in response. Sam just crumbled to the floor and sobbed, "Don't leave me Bucky, please don't leave me here alone."_  
  
  
It took a year of intense therapy and the soldier still had his bad days but he never tried to leave Sam like that again.


	5. Chapter 5

The last note is on their bedroom door and Sam plucks it off as he turns the doorknob. " **How sweet it is**..." He reads aloud.  
  
" **To be loved by you** ," Bucky finishes with a shy smile when Sam sees him standing by their bed, fresh from work in his stealth suit.


End file.
